There's no need to rush
Meeting your children is a big step for them as well as for you, so it's worth waiting until you're sure.
Children can get attached quickly, and they notice more than we think. Taking your time protects them from meeting people who may not be around for long, and it gives you space to get to know someone properly as an adult first. Anyone who's right for you will understand that.
Signs it might be the right time
Trust your judgement. These are the things most parents look for.
- You've been seeing each other for a while. Long enough to know how they behave when things don't go to plan, not just on good days.
- You both want the same thing. You've talked about where it's going, and you both see a future in it.
- They understand your children come first. They're patient about cancelled plans and don't push to meet the children.
- Your children are settled. If there's a lot going on for them, such as a new school or a recent separation, it may be worth waiting a little longer.
Be wary of anyone pushing to meet your children early, or who seems more interested in them than in you. That's a reason to slow down. Our guide on how to spot a fake dating profile covers keeping your children's details private.
Talk to your children first
Tell them about your new friend before they meet, in words that suit their age.
Younger children usually need very little: that you have a new friend you'd like them to meet. Older children and teenagers may have more questions, and some may have strong feelings, especially if a separation is still recent. Listen, reassure them that nothing about your love for them is changing, and let them know they can tell you how they feel.
If you share care with their other parent, it can help to let them know before the children do, so nobody is caught off guard.
Keep the first meeting short and relaxed
Somewhere neutral, with something to do, takes the pressure off.
- Pick a low-key place. A park, a café or a walk works better than a big day out or a meal at home.
- Keep it brief. An hour or so is plenty for a first meeting.
- Go easy on affection. Holding hands or kissing in front of the children can wait.
- Let things grow naturally. Your children don't need to like your partner straight away. Give them time.
Afterwards
Ask your children what they thought, and really listen to the answer. Mixed feelings are normal, and they often settle with time. Build up slowly, with short, regular visits rather than suddenly spending every weekend together. For more on getting to know someone before you get to this point, read first date ideas that actually work.